The Gods Hate Me
by just-passing-time
Summary: Just another normal day for the Knight Captain of Crossroad Keep.


I don't own anything except Kiara.

Enjoy.

* * *

The gods hate me.

I wasn't exaggerating. I meant it. The gods really do hate me. For normal people the gods express their fleeting dislikes by killing off a few crops, thunderstorms when you're having a picnic, the occasional theft, or not noticing spinach stuck in your two front teeth.

Me? I get kicked out of my home town by the one person whom brought me up and taught me, hunted and attacked by an otherworldly race because they have sharing issues, blamed for the slaughter of an entire village, therefore being forced into becoming a squire for a pompous king, and then, my said king 'graciously' hands a whole keep over for me to take care of whilst I worry about my own hide as I try to kill un-killable Shadow Reavers.

Now do you see what I mean?

The gods genuinely, thoroughly and methodically hate me.

The only thing I had going for me was this suite. The suite, with its huge, soft bed, it's beautifully carved weapon rack and, best of all, its thick wooden door with a lock that even Neeshka had a hard time picking.

It was bliss being able to come in here and pretend I didn't hear Kara pounding on my door. Pretend I didn't hear the warning alarms as the grey cloaks went out to fight off raiding parties and bandits. And best of all I could pretend I didn't hear Casavir ask if I had a moment to discuss his immense dislike towards a certain ranger, who, in turn, I would pretend not to hear as he commented on the dullness of the paladin.

The door was so difficult to unlock that nobody bothered trying to open it anymore. Plus, I was known to drag my weapons rack in front of the door every now and again, just as a precaution.

I could just be me. Not the Knight Captain of a whole keep.

But, it seems the gods have taken that away from me too.

I stared wishfully at the gap in the wall that my beloved door had once occupied.

Now, all that remained was a pile of ash and timbers as Qara stared sheepishly at me from the other side. I mentally raised Qara's name to the top ten on my hit list.

If only she put as much effort into killing those whom opposed me and less into killing my poor, innocent door.

My eyes darted towards that of my weapon rack, seizing up my chances of grabbing a weapon before she bolted. Then again, if I didn't want to risk that, I could always try my luck with strangling her.

I seethed in rage as I fought the urge to jump at her.

"H-hey, Kiara, did you notice that it is getting dark a lot earlier these days? I had to cast a light spell to find a gold coin I'd dropped, and next thing I know, _boom_, there goes the door. If anything, I've done you a favor. That door was a cheap make and bound to break sooner or later."

_Cheap__ make_? The door had been seven centimeters thick!

"Qara," I started, fighting for calm and clenching my fists to keep them by my sides. "I swear, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't; 'See ya,' they will be, 'Ow, my face; you punched me in the face'."

It didn't take anymore than that to send her stomping down the hall and out of my line of vision.

With a grown of contempt I took a look at the cinders in the doorway. I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them my door would have miraculously repaired itself. I opened one eye and then the other, giving a groan at the sight of the still sizzling splinters.

It's fine. It's just a door. It can be replaced.

With that thought I grabbed my rapiers and strapped them to my hips, just incase I passed Qara on my way to the main foyer.

Stepping over the sizzling remains of my door I trudged down the hallway. I was a woman on a mission. I intended to have my door replaced before anybody realized it was missing. Everything would be fine and dandy.

"Kana!" I hollered at the top of my lungs once I'd made my way to the main foyer, my tone demanding and impatient.

A worker who'd been lounging in a shadowy corner took one look at me and jumped up, scuffling away as fast as he could manage.

I heard her before I saw her, coming from the west side of the keep, "Yes, Knight Captain?"

"I've got some new orders," I started, trying my best to stop the twitching that had started in my left eye.

She waited expectantly for me to continue, obviously a bit taken aback that I'd sought her out and actually wanted to officially issue an order. Usually she was doing the seeking and I was doing something more along the lines of hiding.

"I want the best construction workers to postpone their work on fortifying the keep's walls and get straight to building a new door for my suite. I want locks on it, I want it to be thick, and I want it to be fire resistant."

"Fire resistant _wood_, Captain?"

"Get Sand to 'Abracadabra' it. I've heard of odder things than fire resistant wood."

For starters; me running a keep, that was pretty darn odd.

I knew from the look upon her face that she thought I was an idiot. My hand twitched towards the hilt of one of my rapiers and Kana snapped back into action.

"Was there anything else, Captain?"

She honestly looked like she was hoping there wasn't.

Hmm, I think I have just the thing.

"Sal was looking for someone to dance and entertain in his tavern. Inform Qara that she is to follow through with this task and help Sal out until she pays off the cost for my new door. If she doesn't meet these terms point her to the gates."

Kana raised a brow but didn't question my orders, probably hoping that Qara wouldn't agree to my terms and that she'd be forced to leave. Kana waited a moment longer and then turned on her heel to follow through with my instructions.

Not wanting to linger a moment longer in fear that a damsel in distress would see me and immediately skip to the conclusion that I could solve all her problems, I started back to my suite.

As I turned into the hall adjoining my room I immediately smelt the remains of burn wood and smoke. Grimacing I wondered if I'd be able to sleep with the horrid smell.

As I approached the charred remains I noticed a small something gleaming right before me. On further inspection I identified it as a small gold coin. It must be the coin that Qara had lost, starting this whole ordeal. I picked it up and pocketed it. At least something good has come of this.

With a sigh I gave a small, dispassionate kick at the crispy wood, thankful that nothing was on my schedule for the rest of the evening. I was free to do anything I wanted to do. Well, anything except murder Qara. And right now, what I wanted to do most was have a good nights rest for once.

Tomorrow they'll fix everything and I'll have my door, and with it, my privacy, back.

I walked into my room, my eyes falling upon an uninvited guest. See, what did I tell you? No privacy.

"What're you doing in my room, Sand? Five words or less," as I said this, I clamped a hand over my left eye which had continued it's agitated twitching.

Sand held up a finger as he said each word, "Heard what happened." Noticing he had only issued three words, he continued, "Idiot girl."

I gave a small growl and glared in Sand's direction, hesitantly pulling my hand from my eye in hopes that the twitching had ceased.

Nope, it's still twitching.

My hand flew back to my eye to try and still the constant spasms.

Surprisingly Sand didn't comment on my twitching eye and continued, "Kana informed me that I'm to cast a few resistance spells upon a door that's being made as we speak."

Wow, word travels fast. How'd he manage to receive the orders from Kana and then get in here before me? Pfft, I've given up on questioning the unethical.

"Yes, Sand, you are, what's not to understand?"

"My expertise aren't cheap, dear girl," Sand informed me.

In reply to this I gave an agitated groan.

"Name your price and then get out," I ordered, my free hand pointing stoically to the gap in the wall.

"I believe five thousand will be suitable, oh, and I want it all now, will that be a problem?"

Will that be a _problem_? I'm practically broke!

"I'll pay you five thousand when I actually have five thousand to spend, Sand. However, to sweeten the deal, go down to Sal's tomorrow. Qara's repaying a dept to me."

I saw one of Sand's thin eyebrows raise ever so slightly at the mention of Qara and the sides of his lips curl up, this was the equivalent to an all out grin on Sand's behalf. Without anything further to say Sand gave a curt not of his head and then sensibly retreated from my room.

I slowly pulled my hand from my eye to find that the twitching had subsided and was barely noticeable.

With a content sigh I replaced my rapiers to their usual spot on my weapon rack and turned, bumping into something and almost completely losing my balance. I grabbed at the certain something in hopes of regaining my proper footing. Once I'd completed this, I put all of my remaining energy into sending a death glare at the little gnome before me. Whom, might I add, didn't look all too fazed by the fact that I'd almost squashed him.

"What now?" I snapped, pulling my hands from the gnome's shoulders and placing it to the bridge of my nose, massaging roughly at it.

"Mistress, Kiara, I heard from one of the soldiers, who'd heard it from Sand, who'd heard it from Kana, that Qara blew your suite's door to smithereens. I'd come to see for myself," his eyes darted excitedly to examine the remains, "Oh my, there's not even that much wood left."

I held my breath, resisting the urge to kill Grobnar. Geez, my companions were on a roll today, usually I just want to beat them to a bloody pulp, but today two of them had managed to find their way onto my hit list.

I frowned at the gnome, noting his lips were still moving.

"…but it had simply been a mild case of the chicken pox, and you see…"

Oh gods, the bloody gnome's still talking.

Okay, just count to ten, that'll calm you down.

One, two… ten.

"Grobnar, I swear to every bloody god there is that if you don't stop your constant yammering I _will_ kill you!"

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have skipped ahead with the counting.

The gnome's mouth hung ajar and his eyes bugged out of his head.

"Kiara, I believe the gods frown upon the murder of innocent gnomes."

Not the smart gods.

Wait, was that a _joke_? I spun around to face the paladin whom stood behind the small pile of splintered wood, an amused expression on his face.

"Fine then, Casavir, I won't kill him. There'll just be a whole lot of bruising and he'll more likely than not wake up with a bit of a headache."

"Mistress Kiara, you seem to be on edge today. Allow me to fetch the instrument that the Wendersnaven bestowed upon me, and I'll be right back to play a soothing tune for you."

Before I could grab the gnome, he was bounding out the door, or where the door had been, and past Casavir, a skip in his step as he did so.

This time, without even bothering to retrieve my rapiers once more I attempted to push past Casavir, but found that he occupied the entire escape root.

Giving a low growl I looked up at the paladin, eyes glared in slits. Casavir, in reply, gave a low chuckle.

Bloody hell, he's always so stoic and boring. He chooses to have some fun and laugh _now, _at _my_ expense none the less?

I placed my hands on my hips and sent him a glare clearly stating, 'I haven't cut my nails in a week, if you don't move I'll scratch your eyes out and feed them to Karnwyr.'

Karnwyr, Bishop's wolf companion, and I didn't really get along. But I was sure Karnwyr would be willing to co-operate with me if it meant hurting the paladin. Surprisingly enough, Karnwyr hated Casavir even more than he hated me, and that was saying a lot considering Karnwyr had tried to rip my throat out the last time I'd woken him by mistake.

I think Casavir had gotten the message, because his grin grew a little wider. He wouldn't be making fun of me if I was armed. Then again, he didn't know that I carried Bishop's knife in my boot. The ranger had let me have it before my fight with Lorne. I'd never really gotten around to returning it to him.

"Did you want something, Casavir?" I asked with a defeated sigh.

I bet my whole suite that it has something to do with Old Owl Well, honor, or Bishop looking shifty again.

"Indeed, my lady, I did have something I wished to discuss with you. It's just, I don't know if you know how grateful I am."

I rose an eyebrow and started to tap a foot impatiently, "For?"

"Before I joined on with you, whilst I was in Old Owl Well, I didn't look any further ahead than the next battle, I didn't think I could aspire to anything more than what I was doing there. After traveling with you, I see that you fight for a real cause, a just cause, and you fight with both honor and courage."

I'm a _rogue_ duelist. He does realize this, right?

Casavir continued, "I trust you my lady, and in turn, I hope you trust me."

Is there going to be an intermission?

"It is because of this that I feel the need to warn you about Bishop."

Bingo, he managed to talk about, not one, not two, but all _three _of the things I guessed he would. Talk about predictable.

The only thing I couldn't guess was what he could possibly point out about that ranger that he hadn't already.

He _must_ have seen the look of exasperation upon my face at the mention of the ranger's name. It was sort of hard to miss.

He lifted his arm to scratch at the back of his neck uncomfortably. How does he move so much in that armour?

"My lady, would you please try and pay a little attention to me?" Casavir asked, noticing that I was starting to drift off into my own world.

"Casavir, I assure you, I'm paying as little attention as possible." At the hurt look upon his face at my joke I sighed. Seeing no other way out of this conversation before Grobnar got back to play some '_soothing' _music, I humored him "What about Bishop?"

I swear I saw Casavir's eye light up at the opportunity to speak of the ranger and have somebody actually listen, "His motives, unlike his intentions, are unclear, and I worry that you've come to treat him as a friend. I wouldn't put any trust into him. He cares only for himself, and I don't want to see you hurt if, and when, he does show his true colours."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes, and instead tried for a more calmed tone of voice, finding this to be the best approach when Casavir got all wound up like this.

"You are correct in assuming that I care for Bishop in the same sense I care for the rest of the group," little did he know that they all grated on my nerves and I went out of my way to avoid them, "And I trust him. I trust him to put a knife in my back if he thinks he could get away with it, but he's willing to help, and believe me, I've tried to get rid of him. You remember that little tracking job I asked him to do last week for a bit of extra gold? He managed to kill the dragon I sent him after. Bastard's better with that bow than I thought. Anyway, don't worry about me; I've got my eye on him. But, thanks for your concern and all, now out of my way, I've got to get out of here before Grobnar gets back."

Casavir opened his mouth to say something further but I'd shoved past the paladin and managed to run down, and out, of the hallway before his words could even reach my ears.

"White thistle, white thistle, all in a row―" I could hear Grobnar signing as he made his way to my suite. Doesn't that gnome know any other songs?

I saw him turn the corner, and swearing quietly under my breath I turned about and jumped through the library door, sprinting through the library and past the crazy old man, Aldanon.

"I was hoping to speak to you about the true names of the Shadow Reavers," I heard him say as I passed him.

Looking over my shoulder as I ran to the other library exit I called back to Aldanon; "Tomorrow!" Maybe.

I jumped over a small pile of books that were lying about on the floor and then ran through the door, thankful that it was already open. I realized the exact reason it was open when I bumped head on into Zhjaere. Dam, that's the second person I've bumped into in the past few minutes. I've really got to look where I'm going. It's a surprise I've not yet tripped and fallen onto an enemy blade out on the battlefield.

"Know that you've bumped into me, Kalach-Cha," Zhjaere pointed out, her voice flat and void of all emotion.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

I held a finger to my lips, and looked back over my shoulder, I could see all the way across the library and out the other door. I held my breath as Grobnar passed the open doorway and continued to my suite without any sign of having seen me.

I tried to retreat from the library but it seemed Zhjaere wanted to say something, "Know that―"

I cut her off before she could continue, "Know that I'm leaving and can run a lot faster than you."

If she wanted to talk to me, she'd have to catch me.

With that I turned my back on her and put as much distance between myself and the library as I could. I was walking as hastily as possible, with no real idea where I was heading.

If I'd had my door none of this would have happened. I would still be safe and sound in my suite, presumably getting ready to go to bed any minute now. But no, I was wondering around my own darn keep with everybody biting my ears off and expecting me to have solutions to every problem that inevitably brought me closer and closer to my impending doom.

There's no way I'm going to be able to get any rest in my suite now. Grobnar would probably wait there until morning, not to mention it probably wasn't safe to sleep in a room without a door, and once the residence of my keep heard of my door-less-ness people would be lining up to tell me their problems. And with the speed that word seemed to travel, I was pretty sure _everyone _knew already.

Where to sleep though?

Hmm, no way was I sleeping outside of the keeps walls, plants and me didn't mix. Plus I didn't particularly feel like being assassinated tonight, so sleeping in a deserted hallway or one of the rooms that hadn't been repaired yet was ruled off my list. I'd been lucky to get away from Kana without a load of paperwork being thrown at me, and that was probably because she was still trying to get over her shock at the fact that I'd actually sought her out for a change. There was no way I'd risk talking to her again and asking if there were any spare rooms that had been cleared out. The only idea that didn't involve the possibility of plants, assassination attempts, and paperwork, was that I sought out one of my companions and shared with them for the night.

Immediately I ruled Grobnar, Qara and Zhjaere off the list as I wanted to sleep, not kill people that continually jumped up and down on my last nerves. Shandra was off the list, because one; she used to share my room, and two; she was dead. Elanee slept outside, what a _weirdo_. Kelgar, if he ever managed to get back from the tavern, snored like a dire elephant after a long night of drinking with a blocked trunk. If I used Neeshka's room I'd wake up with nothing but my underwear left and Neeshka would be mysteriously wealthier. I had no idea where Ammon actually slept, probably in the basement somewhere, and there was no chance I was sleeping down there with a giant spider, an evil warlock whom I'd been trying to kill just a few weeks ago, and the construct. Sand seemed like an okay choice, but I'd probably have to pay to even be allowed to sleep on the floor. I don't think I really wanted to sleep in Casavir's room; I'd had my fair share of Tall, Dark and Brooding already. But then my only other option was Bishop and I don't think I really wanted to share with him either, for obvious reasons such as Bishop's scum, I didn't want a knife stuck in me, and having a knife inside me was the least of my problems, so to speak.

I felt like I was talking to Neeshka and Shandra having a girl's night again. 'So, Kiara, which one? Would you choose the ranger or the paladin?'

Back then I'd answered the ranger, but, then again, back then I thought the whole, "Ooh, look at me, I'm so evil, I'm such a badass," thing Bishop had going on was just for show. I knew now that that's just who Bishop is, through and through. Did that change my answer though? Nope, not at all. I'd choose the ranger over the paladin any day.

With a shrug I made towards Bishop's room with haste, knowing the twists and turns of the hallways off by heart.

Dam, Qara had been right about something for once, the hallways were so dark it was hard to make out where each door stood.

Finally approaching the door leading into the ranger's room I gave a low growl at the fact that someone like Bishop had better luck than me. Nobody could argue that fact, as his door was still quite intact and I didn't see and gnomes waiting about to play 'calming' tunes to him on invisible instruments.

Knowing that the door was never locked, I turned the handle without a second thought. If I waited around much longer I'd start getting cold feet about sharing the room with Bishop for the night. I walked head on into the small bedroom with an air of confidence.

I was greeted with a low growl from Karnwyr whom jumped silently from his position at the base of the double bed to stand before me. He bared his teeth, pulling back his lips and puffing up to twice his size. Yeesh, considering he'd been un-doubtfully asleep only moments before, he was doing a pretty good job at being intimidating, which was more than I could say for his master.

I gave a lopsided smirk and crossed my arms as I watched Bishop pull himself up into a sitting position and blink in my direction a few times. I saw him squint and then roll his eyes, falling back onto the bed and pulling the sheets above his head.

I heard him mumble something incoherent from beneath the sheets. It didn't take me long to realize that he hadn't been talking to me, but to Karnwyr. And the command that Bishop has issued to his wolf was obvious.

The wolf's teeth gleamed bright white, his tail flicking from side to side. My grin faded on my lips as the beastly wolf lent back on his haunches and then leapt at me.

"Oh shit," I whispered.

I waited for the last possible moment and ducked beneath the wolf, rolling out of his path and into the room. He landing a few feet behind me, now out in the hallway.

By some miracle, I'd actually managed to dodge him.

Spinning in my current squatting position, I swung my right leg around in a kicking motion and slammed the door shut on the wolf.

"Bad dog," I shouted through the door with a triumphant smile.

Moments later scratching from the other side of the door could be heard. I gave a good hard kick to the wood and the scratching immediately ceased.

"I'm armed," I heard the gruff warning from the bed a few moments later as I dusted my hands off.

I knew it was a lie. He wasn't armed. He never slept with a weapon.

"And I'm pissed off," I replied, walking around to the farthest side of the bed, where a large form lay beneath the sheets. "Due to extreme circumstances, I'm staying here the night."

I looked down at the mount in the bed that was the dark and dangerous ranger and placed my hands on his side. Counting to three I gave Bishop a hard push, attempting to roll him to the other side of the bed.

He immediately sat bolt upright, the sheets falling off him to reveal his bare chest. Sure, he was well toned and tanned, but he was also well aware of it. And the fact that he'd bed anything that moved, or at had breasts, was a bit of a turn off. I found it more repaying when you work for your prize. I held little interest for what lay beneath the sheets. Still, I was allowed to wonder. And I had to admit, I was pretty curious.

"What in the nine hells are you doing, woman?" He demanded.

"I always sleep on the left, you've gotta move over," I explained, placing my hands on my hips.

"Not on your life," he said, jaw clenching and unclenching.

Dark circles sat beneath his eyes and his hair stuck out in all different directions. His eyes were a darker gold than usual and I wondered just how much sleep he'd gotten recently. He was at least fifteen hours past a five o'clock shadow, and fresh cuts and bruises marred his features.

"You look like hell," I pointed out matter-of-factly.

"And you sound like you're calling out for an arrow between the eyes," Bishop snapped back.

"Touché," I said with a small smirk.

"Out," Bishop barked.

"By the gods you're a grouch," I huffed. "Plus, this is my keep. My keep, my rules. I'm tired. My suite's not really safe to be in right now. And I want the left side of the bed. So shove."

"Convince me," Bishop dared me, his meaning clear.

I'm surprised he hasn't actually killed me yet. If somebody was this persistently annoying I'd definitely be fighting the temptation of murder.

I bit back a retort, and instead a light in my head switched on.

I gave a coy smile and slid onto the bed, straddling Bishop's hips as I did so.

I leant forward, placing my left hand on his chest. I ran my fingers up through the short hair upon his chest, his skin rough and scarred, some were old, and some were new.

I resisted the urge to laugh at the sight of a small burn near his neck. I didn't have to ask to know that it was from the red dragon I'd sent him after last week. He'd come back scarred, bruised and burnt to a cinder. He'd been swearing and cussing like a sailor, and after I'd begrudgingly paid him for killing the young red dragon, he'd left for his room. This was the first I'd seen of him since then. He mustn't have had the injuries checked up on, not really being in the good books with any of the keeps healers. He must have just made do with his own minor spells and decided that resting was the best way to go. Well, I guess that explains the really bad bed-hair and the soon-to-be beard.

Bishop groaned as I looped my left arm around the back of his head, and brought my lips up to his ear, nibbling gently at his lobe.

I slid my right hand into my boot. Without too much hassle I managed to pull out my knife. Well, really, it was Bishop's knife, but hey, they all work the same. I wouldn't really be at all surprised if it reeked of smelly feet.

I left a trail of kissing along his prickly jaw line, and then pulled back right before I reached his lips. He bore a smirk, an eyebrow raised as I winked in reply.

I placed the knife to Bishop's chest and I heard him growl at the fell of the cold metal. His eyes drew together in slits of anger and I gave a small smile, leaning in closer once more, I was close enough to whisper seductively into his ear.

"If you don't let me stay here the night I'll carve my initials into your stomach," I warned, my voice sickly sweet. I pulled back to see Bishop was still glaring daggers at me. "Convinced?"

His eyes fell to that of the blade in my hands and his eyes glistened cruelly in the dark, a deceitful smile forming on his lips.

He raised a brow as he spoke, his voice rich and mocking, "I'm touched that you've kept my knife close. But you never did repay me in full for giving it to you. It did, in the end, kill that Luskan dog, Lorne."

I smiled sweetly in return, digging the blade a little deeper into Bishop's lower stomach. If I put any more pressure onto the blade I'd be drawing blood soon.

From where I sat atop him, I felt his chest move slightly as he chuckled darkly. "Before we get started, what's the safe word?" Bishop sneered as he said this, his hands sliding slowly up my thighs.

I didn't know whether to gag in repulsion, or groan in pleasure at the feel of his rough hands. Instead, I forced an indignant glare and traced along some of Bishop fainter scars with the knife.

His hands fell from my thighs and, instead of making to grab the knife like I thought they would, made their way to the straps and belts that held my simple leather tunic together.

Oh boy.

"How bout I give you the knife back in trade for somewhere to sleep for the night?" I asked hopefully, taking note that in the future I shouldn't bait Bishop quite as much. I think I might have gone a _bit _too far this time.

"Little girl, you're not going to find any sleep here," Bishop mused, his voice husky as he flipped me from where I sat atop him.

He was on top of me now, my buckles all loosened and my hands held above my head.

Don't even ask what happened to the knife, because I have no idea.

His lips crashed down onto mine, hungry and harsh. I lay gaping in shock for a moment before instinct took over and I returned the kiss. I bit down on his bottom lip and a sharp hiss escaped from him. A giggled escaped me as I flipped him so that, once more, I sat on top.

"I'm pretty sure that this beats having Grobnar play music whilst I try to sleep," I mumbled incomprehensibly as I deepened the kiss.

Bishop grunting in reply, not really paying attention to what I'd said.

Next thing I knew, Bishop had managed to remove my leather tunic and boots.

He was kissing my neck, then my scar from the shard, and then he moved to my stomach, and then down to my―

Ohmigods!

I'd left my suite in search of somewhere nice and quiet to sleep. Instead I'd found a ranger that was exactly what he'd said to be, and I knew that I wasn't going to get _any_ sleep.

I intended to go in search of Qara first thing in the morning and thank her. It was all worth it. At least, I'm pretty sure it was.

* * *

Please review and let me know what you think. I appreciate constructive critocism, it helps me improve my writing, or just letting me know if you've read it and what you think. It let's me know that I'm not annoying people and wasting my time by posting my stories up here.

Thanks,

just-passing-time


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